I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
