I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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