My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
