Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
