U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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