so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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