So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
