Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
