Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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