He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
