If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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