there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
