Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
