Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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