So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
