Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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