I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
