my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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