cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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