Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
