I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
