My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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