But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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