Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
