He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Mom said you looked used
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
