Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
