Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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