That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
