Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
