The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
pray to the hookup gods
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
