Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
