Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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