I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
