just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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