Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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