Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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