if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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