Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
