I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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