went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
