Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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