To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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