Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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