i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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