You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
