im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
