she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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