My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
