shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
