You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
