I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
