Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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