i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
