Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
