Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
