we have officially lost it.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
