So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
