ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
