well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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