Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
